We all have an inner child – the part of us that is innocent, shy, curious, creative, and open to the world, and wants to have spontaneity, joy, and wonder. But it’s also the part of us that carries our deepest sorrows, fears, anger, and hurts.
Most of us go through life totally unaware of this inner part of us. When we are oblivious to our inner child, we’re also totally unconscious to her/his needs, desires, and woundedness. We play out self-sabotaging patterns and repeat unconscious habits not knowing that they are all rooted in the inner child. By becoming aware of your inner child and what s/he is trying to tell you, you develop more self-respect, and self love. You become more capable of listening to your authentic needs, undoing old harmful patterns, and following your true life purpose.
Wounds of the Inner Child
· A deep-seated belief that you are broken.
· Fear of abandonment and loss of love.
· Insecure and low-self worth.
· Loss of self in an attempt to gain approval from others.
· Fearful of setting boundaries or saying “no”.
· Seeking instant-gratification through substances, shopping, distraction, and procrastination.
Six areas of healing
According to John Bradshaw, author of Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, the process of healing your wounded inner child is one of grief. It’s important to acknowledge these six areas of healing:
For your wounded inner child to come out of hiding, he must be able to trust that you will be there for him.
If you’re inclined to minimize and/or rationalize the ways in which you were shamed, ignored, or used to nurture your parents, you need to accept the fact that these things truly wounded your soul. Your parents weren’t bad, they were just wounded kids themselves.
It’s okay to be angry, even if what was done to you was unintentional. In fact, you need to move through anger if you want to heal your wounded inner child. I don’t mean you need to scream and holler (although you might). It’s just okay to be mad about a dirty deal. I know [my parents] did the best that two wounded adult children could do. But I’m also aware that I was deeply wounded spiritually and that it had life-damaging consequences for me.
After anger comes hurt and sadness. If we were victimized, we must grieve that betrayal. We must also grieve what might’ve been–our dreams and aspirations. in grieving childhood loss, you must help your wounded inner child see that there was nothing he could’ve done differently. His pain is about what happened to him; it’s not about him.
The deepest core feelings of grief are toxic shame and loneliness. We were shamed by our parents. We feel we are bad, as if we’re contaminated, and that shame leads to loneliness. Since our inner child feels flawed and defective, he has to cover up his true self with his false self. His true self remains alone and isolated.
6. The only way out is through
It’s hard to stay at that level of shame and loneliness; but as we embrace these feelings, we come out the other side. We encounter the self that has been in hiding. You see, because we hid it from others, we hid it from ourselves. In embracing our shame and loneliness, we begin to touch our truest self.
We couldn’t heal our parents
Our natural, spontaneous expressions as a child were never the real cause of our parents’ unhappiness. We can see now, as adults, that a child is never to blame, nor responsible for the problems of its mother or father. We couldn’t have made our parents feel better, or heal their woundedness, as we may have believed as little ones. Only they could. Their hurt had nothing to do with you.
Bonding with the inner child
Many wonderful things can flow back to you as you connect with your inner child. You can have more: trust, liveliness, innocence, curiosity, joy, boldness, clarity, wonder, lightness, purity, playfulness, openness.
Four steps to connection
Step one: Making contact
The first step in bonding, is making contact with your inner child. You do this by simply visualizing yourself as a little boy or girl. The child may appear as any age. Don’t feel discouraged by if it doesn’t happen right away. Understand that it takes time to trust each other again. Invite your Inner Child to express its needs, wishes and feelings. The Inner Child cannot be reached with our thinking analytical mind.
Step two: Establishing trust
Sometimes the connection is there immediately, and sometimes it takes time to establish trust. The little child deeply longs for your embrace and love but may need reassurance and validation before it can trust. Connect to your inner child often, listening, validating its feelings and needs, and sending love.
Step 3: Fully engage
Once you fully open up to each other, enjoy the qualities of your inner child, and keep tending to its needs to feel safe and welcome. Put it number one as often as you can.
Step 4: Connecting to and Care of Your Inner Child Exercise with a Coach
As a child, you unconsciously absorbed and accepted, beliefs, programs, memories, thoughts, words, and deeds, of people around you. By loving your child within on a regular basis, you honor and heal ALL that you are. Are you ready to embrace and connect to your Inner Child?
First: Close your eyes. Inhale SLOWLY Divine pure white light to energize every cell, tissue, blood vessel, muscle, bone, atom and all your parts and pieces of your whole body.
Second: Exhale slowly to allow the body to slow down your metabolism and body chemistry. And to release blocks from your system.
Third: Inhale slowly Divine pure white light to all your parts and pieces of your whole body. Exhale slowly to allow the body to slow down your metabolism and body chemistry.
Fourth: Repeat this statement within yourself: DIVINE CREATOR GOD: at this time I wish to connect to my Child within. Help me to do so. I wish to see him or her now.
1. Ask your Little Child to now show him or herself to you. Can you see him or her? Place your hands together in prayer honoring Little Child.
2. Let your Child know that you love him or her and thank him or her for being a part of you always.
3. Share that you are sorry that it’s been so long since you’ve connected. Say to your Child: “Oh my Child… my dear one… will you forgive me for all my errors in thoughts, words, and actions I have subjected you to over time? You never deserved to carry the blame for any of the family circumstances you endured for so long. It has never ever been your fault. I'm so sorry you have been hurting for so long.”
4. I wish to work together with you to heal the wounds, pains, and scars.
5. Ask permission: "Would you like to sit close to me? You can crawl up in my lap if you want to and lay your head on my chest or shoulder.
6. Is it alright if I gently stroke your hair?
7. My wish is to honor you completely.
8. I would like to hug you gently. Is that ok?
9. I wish to look into your face, and give you pure love. (be sure you really feel it – or the child will detect it.)
10. Little Child is there anything you need to express to me about what you need? I will take a few moments to listen with my heart.
11. Let me know when you are ready to continue.
12. My Divine Child I have heard you. And I will take what you said to me to heart.
13. I would like to connect with you often to continue our healing together.
14. It is now time to say goodbye. I surround you with a bubble of beautiful pink light to give you my compassion and love. And so it is.
15. See yourself putting your hands in a prayer position saying goodbye with gratitude.
16. Breath slow deep breaths and when you are ready - open your eyes and let me know you are ready to continue.
The Adult (Big Mary or whoever) needs to continue to nurture and communicate with little Mary (their inner child) for the next few weeks as if she is a beautiful child in the room with her. Inviting her to go with her on a walk, or to work, cuddling before bed, or for ice cream or things her little one would love to be included in.
This nurturing after the session is significant because little Mary does not trust, and will feel ignored again by the one person who said they would always be there. (Big Mary). This reintegration will continue until their love cup is completely full.
Inner Child Healing (MEDITATION)